So, it's the beginning of a new month... I find that I've recently been a bit more jaded than I've been in the past... I really do not see myself going back down the road that has led me to darkness in the past... I'm choosing the path that leads me to a different end... I don't want to die asking myself the same questions that I've asked so many times in the past...
I'm not sure what's going on with me, I find that simple things are now less simple... I'm beginning to realize that my son's issues are more serious than I would have liked to believe. He got upset tonight because he was "starving"... between 3:30 and 8, he had eaten an individual pizza, an apple, some candy from chuck e cheese, a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, some graham crackers and an ice cream bar... BUT, when I told him that it was time for bed, he had a complete and total meltdown (similar to the one when he got home from school and couldn't tell me what he wanted to eat as a snack)... He tore his clothes off, threw his blankets and pillows off his bed and started kicking the wall and the wood rails of his bunk bed... when we ignored him, he then began hitting himself in the face over and over again...
Tonight, I actually feared for the first time that if I didn't give in and give him food, I'd end up having to take him to the hospital... This isn't something I am glad to be writing... Just a reminder to myself that I need to reassess where I'm going, and how to get there...
It's been a long week or so, and I'm hoping for some change in the near future... It's gonna take time, seems that's all that I have to look forward to...
Monday, June 1, 2009
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