it's a beautiful day in this neighborhood...

a beautiful day for a neighbor...

Would you be mine? Could you be mine?

OK, so cheesy, but it's a gorgeous day out and I am enjoying the sun shining through my window and the warmth all around...

It's going to be a wonderful weekend... I need it...

Sickest haircut ever...

My boy wonder, Jonah, got his hair cut and dyed last night... For more than a year he's been asking if he could dye his hair, and I refused... I don't know why, but I just did... However, the more I thought about it, the more I realized how ridiculous it was to refuse such a simple request from a kid that's so amazing... It took a bit more time to do than we initially expected, but Jason cut it first, bleached it and then dyed it within a few hours... Jonah enjoyed some old school Super Mario Bros 3 while bleach and dye were doing their thing... We figured we'd be done by 830, but it was a little later, so Jonah was pretty tired, as evident from this first pic...

Once he really looked at his hair, he wanted more pics... He's never met a camera (or mirror) he didn't love...

He was posing in front of a wall of records that I've used to decorate our dining room... check out the one right behind his head, funny I didn't notice until I was posting this pic...

The coolest part of the hair dye... it's black light recessive...

I wonder what will happen when he gets off the bus today...

another late night/early morning-ish...

it's well after 3am and sleep's nowhere to be found... So here are a couple of observations about me...

1. I dislike people who say they will do something and then don't do it.
2. I hate excuses.
3. I think that my expectations of people are reasonable.
4. I will only ask of someone what I am willing to offer of myself in return.
5. I love easily. Not in the "I'm IN love" kind of way, but in the sense that I freely accept, appreciate and love people who enter my life. Even if it is only for a brief time.
6. #5 gets me in trouble, alot. Well, by "in trouble" I mean causes me to be disappointed, alot. It's become quite apparent that my love and appreciation for people is rarely greeted with the same enthusiasm.
7. I try way too hard.
8. I have strange obsessions with random things. ie. chewbacca, messy hair, lipgloss, boys that wear eyeliner and pretty much anything baby blue.
9. I love long flowing bufandas, that's spanish for "scarf"... I own several now, and I am finding that my least favorite part of the warmer weather is my lack of need for the bufanda...
10. I am going to bed.

<3

Long nights... late mornings...

Went out last night for the first time in months... back and ankle still messed up, but needed to clear my head... Started with a trip to see Charlie, which is always funny, since he still lives in a college dorm... At 30, it's weird to hang out at a dorm and hear drunk college kids screaming in the hallways and being insanely loud for no other reason except that their parents can't see them! One girl even walked directly in front of my car as I was leaving... All I could do is laugh, but then again, maybe she's the "drunk girl" that you can trick with apple juice... ugh, how I love Family Guy...



Charlie had to get up early, so I headed off to Hell to dance and chill with friends... So good to see Martha, Pudge and Jason... I had lots of silly fun... Danced a bit, if you can call it that, being that I'm still a bit of a gimp... Called Nic on the way home and demanded a peanut butter and jelly sandwich be waiting for my arrival at home... well, maybe not "demanded", more like "pleaded"... Came home at 230, made Nic play Dr Mario for like 20 minutes... stayed up til almost 5 watching insane reruns of "Roseanne" and tooled around on the web for a wee bit...



Couldn't seem to get going this morning, but the shower was calling... Was supposed to meet Moira for lunch today with her mom to discuss her baby's birth... Moira was Nic's friend back when they were like 14... They reconnected through myspace a few years ago and I adore her... She's an amazingly strong woman and has really left an amazing impression in my heart... We've rescheduled for next weekend and I'm hoping Jonah will also have his first swimming lesson with Tracy then... It'll be nice to go to Newport on a Saturday... It's been far too long...



IDK if anyone really cares to read this, since it's really just therapy for me, but there are some things that I want to scream from the rooftops... the idea that I am a Doula still gives me tingles... I literally get to help a woman bring her baby into the world... It's an honor that I never would have imagined... I've assisted in the delivery of several babies over the last few years, and it's still the same "walking on air" feeling... the highest high I can imagine... I even delivered one little boy because the doctor was "getting coffee" when he decided it was time to make his grand entrance... Being able to actually "catch" that beautiful baby boy was one of the most memorable experiences I think I'll ever have... I still get goosebumps when I think about each and every birthing experience... Each woman is different in the way they handle their labor and delivery... and each delivery is exactly what it is meant to be... My single goal as a doula is to remind mom that whatever curve ball labor throws, it can be dealt with... Whether it's an unplanned epidural, fetal monitoring or an emergency c-section, I strive to remind mom (and any other family member present) that everything we encounter will be handled... Being a doula was never a part of my life's plan, but then again, my life's plan never involved alot of my experiences...


I'm hoping for the best while preparing for the worst... expecting anything and nothing all at the same time...

why?

do people tend to pretend like they want something, when in fact it's NOT what they want at all?

I am so confused by people on a regular basis. There are many times that I find myself completely appalled by the fact that people are completely dishonest... This is not necessarily directed at me, but even just in their own lives.

I see people in everyday life that pretend that they want change, and do nothing to get there... (I used to belong to this category)... I also watch men and women in relationships who don't want to be there, yet they stay and keep their mouths shut because it's more convenient than breaking up... I see parents that act as though they take an active role in their child's lives, when in fact they don't even take the time to pay attention to the fact that their children are sad or lost or even take the time to find out who their friends are...

Recently, someone said some pretty terrible things about me, and about Nic. His opinion doesn't really matter, except maybe in his mind. However, when he decided that his opinions about our lives was more important than the respect that we've earned over the years, it's quite disheartening. I guess being there to pick someone up when they fall, take care of them when they're sick, support them when they're hungry or hurt, and love them unconditionally just isn't enough anymore.

I think that I'm pretty straight with people, actually, I know that I am. Sometimes it's a very positive experience, and at other times I now know that I should steer clear of certain situations. I've considered changing my approach with people, but I'm not sure how successful that would be, since it seems that many people simply pretend to care anyway...

I guess I'll see what happens... one way or another, I'll figure it out...

the plan...

for today:

1. Bake a cake for Nic (Funfetti with rainbow chip frosting)
1a. Hope Jonah does not get up in the middle of the night and eat said cake tonight.
2. Homemade baked mac and cheese with and without sausage.
3. Bring mac and cheese over to Arthur's house so he and Beth don't have to cook and can concentrate on the baby.
4. Convince Nic to go to the laundrymat so all our laundry is clean at the same time, instead of doing one load at a time. (I'll fold it all, but I can't carry it :( )
5. Think about and plan dinners for the rest of the week and delegate which nights I'll cook and which nights Nic will cook.
6. Think about what the next step is with Jonah, and have a written plan for the Psychiatrist for tomorrow. He's hurting himself again (picking scabs until they bleed and biting himself), and the midnight food raids are getting ridiculous. I am so sad. Sad, because even a doctor with years of experience with child psychiatry has never seen a kid with this compulsive food issue that only manifests at night. I hate medicating him, but I know it's for his own good. The mantra I keep repeating is "I wouldn't withhold medication for asthma, why would I not give him medicine for his mental health issues." But even then, it's not diminishing his "need to feed". It's really a bummer when you don't know what to do to help a kid that can't help himself. I love him so much, and every day I wake to find a mess, and a kid that's sad cuz he knows that what he's done isn't normal. All I can hope is to help him find some peace.

out of practice...

ever get the feeling that you'd be much better at something if you kept doing it? lol

That's how I feel about alot of things, but I'm not sure with writing. I want to keep writing, and I'm not sure if it's going to improve, but I'm determined to keep it up as a way to keep me sane.

I'm also going to try to keep my pics up to date on blip...

Check out my blip:

http://www.blipfoto.com/xobecky878xo