Can't help but to think of the little things that added up to make me the person that I am today. Some of those little things seemed really inconsequential at the time, but now seem to have really impacted my life.
Cutting my hair before going on a trip to Europe seemed to make sense so that getting ready for the day would be easier... It turned into the beginning of my move from curly to straight hair... a decision I have yet to regret... a bit more "granola" I guess, and a lot happier...
Getting into a fender bender a few days before my 3 year anniversary with my ex... which led me to the hospital, a CT scan, a neck brace and a no work and no exercise or strenuous physical activity... that led to a fight with my boyfriend... which led to a final breakup... which led to a whole new beginning in my life...
A chance meeting in a Newport Creamery led me to the love of my life... after having told his friend that I'd never date a guy younger than me just a week before, we ran into each other and I was immediately head over heels in love with this guy I'd just met... Never thought "going out to grab some ice cream" would have ended up in such a way...
Then, the stupid fight about household chores... we'd been married almost a year, I got mad, left for a few hours and came back with a new tattoo... the makeup sex was great, and that encounter led to the birth of our beautiful son...
Each of these little things changed me, though they seemed fairly insignificant at the time... I look forward to more of these "little things, so that I might find whatever it is that I might be missing, and move forward toward a better life, and a better me...
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
Sunday, September 6, 2009
living dead girl...
I heard this song as I drunkenly danced my tail off in an effort to clear my head after the week from hell... I am not sure why this stuck in my head so vividly, but I just felt overwhelmingly energetic when I heard this song kick in... It was an odd segue, from Gwen Stefani's Holla Back Girl and it's insanely infectious beat that makes you want to bounce seamlessly into Rob Zombie's living dead girl and it's dark deep angry tones... yet it's when Living Dead Girl starts that I get the energy to dance like a nut (including up on a podium) and just completely let go... maybe it was the 2 shots of jager that preceded the song, who knows, but I had the energy of the duracell bunny...
I spent the night drinking and dancing with Ashley and Pudge, well just dancing with Ashley since Pudge just laughs at me when I try to get him to dance... It's amazing how a random night out can be so strange and so therapeutic... I had a great time out, even though I know that I was just trying to get stuff out of my head...
My grandmother passed away on Thursday morning, after a very long battle with a number of illnesses that finally just ravaged her body... I feel really awful about the fact that my grandmother died, but strangely relieved on a number of levels... My grandmother was an interesting character, to say the least, but her life certainly had been no picnic... I realized recently that I know very little about what she really endured in life, but the things that I have learned have made me believe that maybe she really is in a better place... I won't go into much detail, as I just don't have the energy right now, but I just hope and pray that there really is a "better place" because she deserves eternal peace... Besides her suffering, I am relieved that my own mother will hopefully find some peace as well... she's been caring for my grandmother for many years, whether due to mental or physical illness... my mother always took the time to be there for her mom... When the time came to decide whether or not to continue life support, it was my mother who gave my grandmother every chance to recover... maybe out of a sense of obligation or maybe just love, but in the end i just hope that my mother can get over the guilt that I know that she's feeling for having finally agreed that the end was inevitable and a vent was no longer the right choice for my grandmother...
Going to get some sleep, sure to write more about this soon... just don't know when I'll be ready...
I spent the night drinking and dancing with Ashley and Pudge, well just dancing with Ashley since Pudge just laughs at me when I try to get him to dance... It's amazing how a random night out can be so strange and so therapeutic... I had a great time out, even though I know that I was just trying to get stuff out of my head...
My grandmother passed away on Thursday morning, after a very long battle with a number of illnesses that finally just ravaged her body... I feel really awful about the fact that my grandmother died, but strangely relieved on a number of levels... My grandmother was an interesting character, to say the least, but her life certainly had been no picnic... I realized recently that I know very little about what she really endured in life, but the things that I have learned have made me believe that maybe she really is in a better place... I won't go into much detail, as I just don't have the energy right now, but I just hope and pray that there really is a "better place" because she deserves eternal peace... Besides her suffering, I am relieved that my own mother will hopefully find some peace as well... she's been caring for my grandmother for many years, whether due to mental or physical illness... my mother always took the time to be there for her mom... When the time came to decide whether or not to continue life support, it was my mother who gave my grandmother every chance to recover... maybe out of a sense of obligation or maybe just love, but in the end i just hope that my mother can get over the guilt that I know that she's feeling for having finally agreed that the end was inevitable and a vent was no longer the right choice for my grandmother...
Going to get some sleep, sure to write more about this soon... just don't know when I'll be ready...
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