living dead girl...

I heard this song as I drunkenly danced my tail off in an effort to clear my head after the week from hell... I am not sure why this stuck in my head so vividly, but I just felt overwhelmingly energetic when I heard this song kick in... It was an odd segue, from Gwen Stefani's Holla Back Girl and it's insanely infectious beat that makes you want to bounce seamlessly into Rob Zombie's living dead girl and it's dark deep angry tones... yet it's when Living Dead Girl starts that I get the energy to dance like a nut (including up on a podium) and just completely let go... maybe it was the 2 shots of jager that preceded the song, who knows, but I had the energy of the duracell bunny...

I spent the night drinking and dancing with Ashley and Pudge, well just dancing with Ashley since Pudge just laughs at me when I try to get him to dance... It's amazing how a random night out can be so strange and so therapeutic... I had a great time out, even though I know that I was just trying to get stuff out of my head...

My grandmother passed away on Thursday morning, after a very long battle with a number of illnesses that finally just ravaged her body... I feel really awful about the fact that my grandmother died, but strangely relieved on a number of levels... My grandmother was an interesting character, to say the least, but her life certainly had been no picnic... I realized recently that I know very little about what she really endured in life, but the things that I have learned have made me believe that maybe she really is in a better place... I won't go into much detail, as I just don't have the energy right now, but I just hope and pray that there really is a "better place" because she deserves eternal peace... Besides her suffering, I am relieved that my own mother will hopefully find some peace as well... she's been caring for my grandmother for many years, whether due to mental or physical illness... my mother always took the time to be there for her mom... When the time came to decide whether or not to continue life support, it was my mother who gave my grandmother every chance to recover... maybe out of a sense of obligation or maybe just love, but in the end i just hope that my mother can get over the guilt that I know that she's feeling for having finally agreed that the end was inevitable and a vent was no longer the right choice for my grandmother...

Going to get some sleep, sure to write more about this soon... just don't know when I'll be ready...